“Be a dentist" – Steve Martin, Little Shop of Horrors
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“Be a dentist" – Steve Martin, Little Shop of Horrors |
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Murder, She Flossed Story Treatment Background: My periodontist is James H. Jones, DDS, MS. He is a hero of mine, and amazing as it may sound, I've had great fun visiting his office. He also shoots in the Monday night pistol league, and I like an oral surgeon with the steady hands of a marksman. In addition, the hygienists in our part of the woods often travel from office to office. There lies the inspiration for this compelling story treatment. The Series This weekly hour-long mystery/thriller show is guaranteed to keep viewers on the edge of their dental chairs. It’s the ongoing story of Sara Williams, dental hygienist, and her adventures in the foothills of Northern California. Her job is to clean teeth, probe pockets, and assess the growth of bacterial colonies as she “rides the circuit” of small rural towns thats are too tiny to have a full-time hygienist. But the adventure doesn’t stop there! Every week when Sara arrives in a different town, there’s a mystery – usually a murder. Because of her fascination with mysteries (and her extensive dental skills), she’s a brilliant amateur detective! She’s the one who solves the crime, usually to the great consternation of the local police. Episode 1 (The pilot) “Plaque Doesn’t Lie” We open on Sara Williams, RDH (Rural Dental Hygienist) driving her Harley-Davidson 74 Panhead into the little town of North Furca, located deep in the foothills of Northern California. She’s wearing a smart white dental smock and a California-approved DOT dental helmet, with full anti-spittle face shield. She pulls into a parking diastema in front of the Main Street office of Dr. Dilbert “Drillbit” Jones, the only dentist in town. Jones is a loner. He has been a dentist for a long time (You may remember him from the NBC series, “Doc Jones, Combat Dentist”). They say he used to be a periodontist. He moved to North Furca after his new wife died in a mysterious shooting accident. The debridement was too much for him. When he came to town, they asked him his trade. He answered “gumsmith.” The locals misunderstood, and to this day he is the local gunsmith as well as the DDS. Sara sees a hubbub at Rea’s General Store, next to the dentist’s office. There is black and yellow striped floss across the entrance of the store. It says “Police line. Do not cross.” Sara talks with John Walker, the constable, and learns that the owner, Sam Rea, has been found murdered in the store. “Are you sure it was murder?” Sara asks. John says he thinks so, since Sam was shot 26 times. The store is littered with .38 Special, .40 S&W and .45 ACP cartridge cases. “Are there any other clues?” says Sara. John replies, “Maybe. We found some latex gloves, a little dental mirror, a Gracey 5-6 curette, some black power we think is Pyrodex, and some blue liquid we think is Peridex (chlorhexidine gluconate 0.12%).” “Any suspects?” “Nope, not yet. But we’re working on it.” Sara grows quiet for a moment, wondering whom these clues might point to. She bids John goodbye and heads for Drillbit’s office. Drillbit Jones is wearing a new paisley smock called Bloodstains & White. Jones looks extremely agitated. His hands are covered with lead residue, a known carcinogen, exposure to which may be damaging to pregnant or lactating women, or contribute to sexual dysfunction. When Sara says, “Good morning,” Jones says roughly, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He keeps mumbling, “If Cari had a carie, how much could she carry” over and over and over again. Sara senses something might be wrong. Sara begins work. She notices that the morning’s appointments include Sam Rea’s three daughters: Pya, Dya, and Gonna. There’s also a cleaning scheduled for One-Tooth Pete, the old miner. When Pya Rea comes in for her cleaning, she seems strangely cheery. She says, “Too bad the old man’s dead, but he opposed my getting married. Just when I found the perfect man.” Sara notices that Pya’s teeth are remarkably free of plaque and calculus. A brief review of her chart shows that she has been to Jones’ office twice a week for the last three months. When Gonna Rea comes in for her cleaning, she seems strangely cheery. She says, “Too bad the old man’s dead, but he told me he was going to cut me out of his will. Just because he didn’t like the way I was keeping the books. He was going to leave the store to my sisters.” Gonna’s chart shows that she has been receiving regular dental care from a glitzy dentist in Beverly Hills. When Dya Rea comes in for her cleaning, she seems strangely cheery. She says, “Too bad the old man’s dead, but he never liked me. He was going to give the store to Gonna. He didn’t let me date. He said we couldn’t afford floss, and he never let me go to the dentist. Well, let’s see who’s laughing now!” Sara notices Dya’s teeth show inadequate home care. Further, her gum tissue is red and her tongue is beefy. Then One-Tooth Pete, the old miner, comes in for his cleaning. “Damned murder,” he says. “Couldn’t find a place to park. Well, honey, just scrape around #30, seein’ as it’s the only tooth I got. Har har!” Sara asks One-Tooth who he thinks could have murdered Sam Rea. He replies, “Well, darlin’, could’ve been any of these people around here. Everyone hated Sam. Might even have been your boss! He had motive, means, and opportunity! Har har! Old One-Tooth knows who the killer is!” Sara is incensed by this, but excuses herself politely. She goes to the office and consults Sam Rea’s chart. It shows that Sam had 64 fillings, 12 crowns, 5 root canals, and a guided bone tissue restoral in the last six months. She decides to confront Jones. She shows Drillbit the chart. “Why did you give Sam Rea so much unneeded dental care?” she demands. “And One-Tooth says you had a motive to kill him.” Jones denies it. “Au contraire, I wanted him to like me. I filled 64 cartridges for him, using 4.1 grains of Unique. And I crowned the barrels on 12 of his guns.” “What about the other procedures?” “I helped him remove roots from his irrigation canals, and I guided him in applying bone meal in his garden to restore the soil nutrients to previous levels. Maybe I shouldn’t have written those things into his chart.” “Do you have any idea who killed Sam?” “No, no, no. NO! Obviously not! Don’t have a clue. Couldn’t tell you. Don’t ask!” Sara is satisfied. But when she returns to One-Tooth, he is dead. He has swallowed the autoclave. At this very difficult moment, Constable John Walker walks into the office, accompanied by Sam Rea’s three daughters. “Aha,” says John, “it all adds up.” “Dilbert Jones,” he says, “I arrest you in the name of the people of North Furca. You are the secret lover of Pya Rea. Despite numerous dental procedures you did for Sam Rea, he would not approve your marriage to her. So last night, you confronted him. You two quarreled. In a rage, you shot him full of holes in several calibers. When you found out that One-Tooth knew too much, you used the autoclave to strangle him.” Sara confronts them all. “John, you’re completely wrong. Drillbit is innocent, and here’s why:” “Sam obviously knew his killer, but that doesn’t account for much, because everybody in this town knows everybody. If Drillbit had shot Sam, he would have only used one caliber. Furthermore, he would have stopped to collect the brass from any .40 or .45 cartridges, because he likes to reload. On top of that, he wouldn’t have ejected the .38 brass, which was obviously shot from a revolver. Why spill those cartridges out onto the floor? No, Drillbit didn’t kill Sam.” “The guns, dental instruments, Pyrodex and Peridex were all stolen by the real killer in order to frame Drillbit. And when I came in today, it was obvious that Drillbit was upset. Why? Because he was protecting someone. Since Pya’s teeth are in such good shape, I thought she might be the murderer, but why would she frame her lover?” “It’s clear that someone killed One-Tooth because he knew too much. My last patient must have heard him say so, and returned to the office to silence him. That means the double murderer is… [a tense moment as Sara looks around the room] Dya Rea!” Dya bursts out angrily! “Yes!! You’re right! I killed Sam and One-Tooth! I always loved Drillbit, but he never knew it. My father knew Drillbit loved Pya, but wouldn’t approve of it. He laughed me for wanting to marry anybody. But then everybody laughs it me, because I have a funny name. Well, I thought that if I couldn’t have Drillbit, then no one else would either.” “Yes, I shot Sam and wanted to make it look like Drillbit did it. I wanted to put Drillbit in prison, and get revenge on my father and sisters. So I stole the guns and that cute little mirror. I took the latex gloves and put them on, just like I had seen Drillbit do before he kissed Pya. Then, last night, I went to my father’s store and drilled him. I scattered dental instruments to cast suspicion on Drillbit.” “Then as I was leaving the office today, I heard One-Tooth say he knew who the killer was. When you were out of the room, I confronted him. He said I should come clean. Instead, I shoved the autoclave down his throat and said, ‘This should sterilize you, you little bacterium.’” Sara says, “Why, Dya, you’re a little…” Dya say, “Don’t call me that! It’s true I’ve been call that all my life, and that’s how I’ve acted. I can only hope that there are dentists in prison and that I can rebuild my self-esteem through regular dental visits and an improved program of oral hygiene.” As Dya is led away in handcuffs, Sara comforts Dr. Jones. “Drillbit,” she says, “passion is the root of both good and evil. This was tragic, but it’s settled now. You can marry Pya. Gonna will inherit the store, sell it, and move to Beverly Hills. And Dya is going to the pokey.” Drillbit can only reply, “Sara, you are the world’s best scaler. Thanks for getting me out of this scrape.” Sara smiles, unwraps a piece of sugar-free gum, mounts her Harley, and rides off for another rural dental adventure.
Telephone:
530-265-4705 Email: barry@wvswrite.com
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