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Nevada
County Fair: The New Attractions The Nevada County Fair is in the middle of its five-day run, and if you haven’t attended yet, you’d better high-tail it down to them fairgrounds. But hold on, Jasper. You should be warned: times have changed. County fairs have traditionally reflected the lives and businesses of local people. In the past, this meant displays and demonstrations of agriculture, mining, logging, and the home arts (like canning). But those activities have largely disappeared from the county. Logging is clearly out of fashion, the Original 16 to 1 Mine hasn’t done gold pourings at the fair for a couple of years, and the agriculture is focused on 4-H and FFA projects and home gardening. So the times are a changin’, Homer, and the fair has to reflect that. In response to new demographics, I understand there are many new (and largely unknown) attractions. Thanks to my diligent research, I can preview a few of them to you. SUV Park-for-Fun. Your first thrill of the fair! You, the proud owner of that urban assault vehicle with the exploding Firestone tires, don’t have to worry about white lines defining the parking spaces. We don’t got no steenkin’ white lines! Take as much room as you want! Parking Lot Tour. Although our fairgrounds are frequently billed as the most beautiful in California, what they really mean is that we have the most beautiful parking lot in California. For a mere $2, you can park and spend all day admiring the trees, dirt roads, etc. You don’t event have to go to the fair. Admission Calculation Contest. Admission to the fair is up from $3.00 to $4.00 for the great majority of us. What percentage increase is that? And, as I recall, you can’t leave and come back for free. However, you can get in free if you’re under 5 any day, under 12 on Thursday, or disabled on Friday. Seniors for a buck on Wednesday. Churchgoers for a buck on Sunday. Who will admit to thinking up this strange pricing policy? Yuppie Olympics. This is a new "join in the fun" event for software developers and other new arrivals to the county. The whole contest takes just 30 minutes, starting with the frozen pie judging in the Home Arts building at 9:00 am Saturday. Watch eager entrants rush through the latte drinking and sushi rolling competitions. The final event is the cell phone relays, where sprinting contestants are judged on the number of calls they can make, as well as how they look in their Armani jogging suits. Gentrification Demonstrations. If you are a millionaire (or hope to be one soon) come to this great educational exhibit. See how you can change Nevada County to suit your tastes! You’ll learn how to build a house that’s bigger than the government center. Also, get tips on where to buy high-priced wines and the correct way to have Tsar Imperial Beluga caviar shipped from Paris. Desperation Row. Now, all the good organizations that don’t have food booths on Treat Street have their own new street. Win a quilt and help buy a fire engine! Join the "Adopt a Deputy" program. Buy something at the "Bagels for Bullets" law enforcement bake sale. Help an at-risk child by taking a chance on the old Wheel O’ Welfare! Design Gladiators. What a great arena event! Watch the Rural Quality Coalition square off against Nevada County Contractors Association in a no-holds-barred contest of wills. See the developer heavyweights fight for building permits! Watch the nimble RQC use their famous zoning defense, shout "Neener neener, ugly building," and throw alfalfa sprouts! The Sprawl. Try this new roller coaster from Butler Amusements! You’ll be scared by the dark "Tunnel of Growth," blinded by the lights of "The Strip Mall, " and petrified by the "Pit of Annexation." Storytelling, Lying and Hog Calling Contest. These three traditional events have been combined. Because it’s an election year, only political candidates can enter. Cook’s Racing Pigs is still a separate event, out of respect for the pigs. Supervisor Survivor. Come to the arena on Saturday night for this one. Watch the four slightly more liberal members of the Board of Supervisors vote Karen Knecht off the island. If you can’t come to the county fair, remember that life in Nevada County is a county fair every day. Barry Schoenborn is a technical writer, and a 12-year resident of Nevada County. His column appears the second Saturday of the month. barry@wvswrite.com is his e-mail address. The opinions of columnists are not necessarily those of The Union. |