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Five
Years of Columns: Triumph or Disaster? This column marks five uninterrupted years of supplying you with insights, revelations, entertainment, and irritation. Five years! Writing this column has lasted longer than my marriage, even though I provided the same things for my former wife. You may recall that the "Both Sides Now" series started in June, 1996, and I was teamed up with Scott Whitmire. We did our best to give you contrasting views of local and national issues. In November, 1999, The Union dropped the feature, but allowed us to continue by writing "Other Voices" columns. Lest you think today's column is a swan song, I must disabuse you of the notion. I plan to continue writing this column as long as The Union will have me. I believe some thanks are in order. Thanks to Peter Starren, publisher of The Union, for his wit, taste, discernment, demeanor, and snappy choices in clothes. This prince of a fellow has chosen to continue publishing my pieces, a sign that either a) he likes the stuff, or b) he doesn't read the column. I must praise John Seelmeyer, the Editor, a constant source of intelligence, guidance and inspiration. He is also tall to the point of intimidation. Plus, his Saturday pieces are very funny, and frequently say twice as much as any regular column, and in half the words. John is the man who, at the beginning, reminded all us columnists that exceeding the word count was a newspaper felony. He also told us that name-calling was generally not the best way to communicate sophisticated ideas. He said that unless you can prove a man is a member of the National Socialist Party, don't call him a Nazi! As a result, I have always used great subtlety. Consider this from November, 1996: "On October 22nd, the Board did a rerun of 'The Three Stooges' by rejecting a plan to seek a $600,000 grant for an affordable housing development." Generally, I'd never call the subjects of this column names, even if they are slimy, lying, double-dealing, moronic pinheads. My profound thanks to the government – city, county, state, and national. As long as our elected officials behave as they do, I will not lack for material. As Will Rogers said, "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." I should especially mention the Nevada County Board of Supervisors, whose excesses have helped produce some of my best work. The best columns were from March, 1997 ("County Supervisors: Who Needs 'em?") and November, 1999 ("Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Supervise"). One of the best things is that even when we went from a 3-2 conservative Board to a 4-1 liberal Board, the jokes still kept on coming. Surprisingly, the supervisors I've been toughest on have never said a word in reproach. First, last, and most of all I must thank you, the discerning demanding readers. You have always kept me on my toes, with comments ranging from "Barry Schoenborn rocks" (letter to the editor, 2/19/2001) to, "I saw your column yesterday. You were completely wrong again." I do my best to act on your feedback. Thank you for reading (if not accepting) my suggestion that both Santa Claus and Jesus Christ are Liberals. You've read my attempts to "call" elections. And you didn't complain when I told you how to e-mail Assembly Member Sam Aanestad (something the State Republican caucus doesn't want you to do). You were gracious about my "non-Liberal" May, 1998, column, "Gun Ownership: the Right that Guarantees the Others." You enjoyed the phrases first seen in this column: "Your worst nightmare – a Liberal with an assault rifle," "Bangladesh of the Foothills, " and "Macramé Manifesto." The e-mail I get has run the gamut: Positive: "Clear, succinct, and to the point. Right on." (9/10/2000) Negative: "Thanks, Barry, for exposing your liberal belief that you and your ilk are morally and intellectually superior to the rest of us." (01/14/2001) Keep those opinions coming! I don't know whether this is a blessing or a curse, but you should know that all the columns are available at the http://www.wvswrite.com website. Thanks again. See you next month! Barry Schoenborn is a technical writer, and a 13-year resident of Nevada County. His column appears the second Saturday of the month. barry@wvswrite.com is his e-mail address. The opinions of columnists are not necessarily those of The Union. |