|
War
Ends in Time for Christmas Great news! Our war in Afghanistan appears to be over. As I write these words, the New York Times and National Public Radio report that the Taliban have agreed to give up their last stronghold, Kandahar. The Great Afghan War (also known as The Non-War, the So-called War, and Another Undeclared War) now takes its place in history, next to our triumphs in Grenada, Panama, and Somalia. We can return to the peace and prosperity we knew before these 12 weeks of suffering and privation. Actually, the war itself didn't make much of an impact on our nation. However, the larger panic over terrorism has produced the oddest set of Christmas gifts I've seen in a long time. Let me describe some of the new toys. Odd gift #1. Afghanistan Picture Puzzle. After decades of trouble, the Afghanis will get a chance to create a stable government, possibly a democratic one. While in the past, the United States always seemed to overthrown the wrong governments and back the wrong dictators, maybe we'll be more skillful this time and help make a successful government. I hope we don't forget the Afghanis. We need to give them continued support, or this whole bombing and shooting effort will be wasted. Odd gift #2. Inept-O-Vision by Sega. Geeeez, when we're caught with our pants down, by God, we run with our pants down. Since September 11th, we've shown the world how clumsy we can be. First, the American Red Cross forgets where millions of dollars in contributions should go. Second, New York City now has money for more fire engines than it will ever need. Third, our airports are protected by National Guard personnel, an excellent defense should a regiment of terrorists assault the ticket counter. Fourth, it took Congress weeks of bungling to produce minor improvements in airport baggage security. Fifth, I'm not convinced airline cockpits are better protected than before, and I don't believe pilots are carrying guns. Odd gift #3. Police State board game. We are now left with a vague "war" on terrorism. This could be a handy excuse for outrageous acts. Government agents recently detained 1000 foreigners, with the customary lack of due process. We're now planning military tribunals, an outrageous device for bypassing most of the guarantees we afford to even our accused serial killers. Imagine as well what new and unusual methods of spying are being discussed at the Department of Justice. I believe I warned you in a previous column that Attorney General John Ashcroft wasn't going to have much respect for your rights. Odd gift #4. Talking George Whacko Bush doll. Yes, George W.'s brief stint as world leader is over. The hack is back, and we are once again able to see President we've come to love: inarticulate, politically motivated, and just plain stupid. First, Bush is pushing the "stimulus" bill, an economic package that helps no working people, but stimulates Bush's corporate backers. Second, according to Mother Jones, Bush administrator John D. Graham (Office of Information and Regulatory Affairs) has been surveying lobbyists to find out what regulations they detest most. Third (and you will truly love this) President Bush is reportedly preparing to nominate Robert Brame to serve on the National Labor Relations Board. Brame was once a "top official" at American Vision, which (according to Americans United for Separation of Church and State) is "an Atlanta-based group that seeks to replace America's secular democracy with a "Christian" regime based on 'biblical law.'" Among American Vision's publicly acknowledged views: that women must be subordinate to men and gays should be executed. Brame recently resigned from the board of directors of American Vision when its controversial positions became public, and has said that he had earlier been unaware of the group's extremist views. Unaware. Oh. Yeah. Sure. And tell me, where does Bush find these crazies? So this is our little world as Christmas approaches. By January 3rd, there won't be any more "God Bless America" sung in the streets. We'll just be shouting, "God help us!" Despite this, I wish us all (including Bush, property rights advocates,
rural quality advocates and the County Supervisors) God's blessings and
a very merry Christmas. Barry Schoenborn is a technical writer, and a 13-year resident of Nevada County. His column appears the second Saturday of the month. barry@wvswrite.com is his e-mail address. The opinions of columnists are not necessarily those of The Union. |